There is a saying among pediatricians: “The downside of treating children is dealing with the parents.” For the non-pediatrician reader, this sounds harsh, but after reading this post, you might understand what this means. Here, I wrote about some of the most common scenarios I encountered during residency and what I recommend doing. I want to emphasize that the following scenarios come from caring parents, which is good. Some parents won’t fit any of these scenarios, and others will fit more than one. Unfortunately, here and there, we find a non-caring parent. For this, there is not much we can do; if you suspect the child is in danger, don’t hesitate to contact Child Protective Services.
The Fighting Parent: One day, I witnessed a mother yelling at the staff, her hands ready to take things physically. Dr. Gold, a third-year resident, was called to calm the situation. I don’t remember the details of the conversation, but somehow, a few minutes later, the fight was over, and the mother was in Dr. Gold’s arms, crying. This event opened my eyes to understand that the fighting parent is a suffering parent. For the fighting parent, fear and anxiety shift the target from the illness to the pediatrician. They are too worried to trust the pediatrician, and they question their knowledge and competence. In this situation, we must let these parents know we are on the same team. Take time to listen to their concerns and answer all their questions. Be honest if you are unsure of the diagnosis, but promise to do research and consult other doctors if necessary. They will trust you better if you are humble enough to acknowledge that you don’t know everything—nobody does. If you do your job right, the fighting parent will become your most faithful patient once the illness has passed.
The “Informed” Parent: This parent did their Google homework before seeing the pediatrician. Usually, they come with a diagnosis and a plan; the pediatrician is there to sign the prescriptions for what they believe their child needs. Be prepared to answer hard questions. In this situation, it is essential to appreciate the parents’ effort to be informed instead of scolding them. Sometimes, there can be hidden anxiety, and we should be there to help them through it. In my experience, the only way to beat Google is with Google itself. Explain the dangers of trusting everything on the internet and guide them to reliable resources. It will take time, but once the informed parent decides to trust you, they will be your great ally in treating any illness, as they will follow your instructions to the letter.
The Skeptical Parent: This is the parent who does not believe in medicines or vaccines, the one who does not believe in the seriousness of an illness or the need for follow-ups. Sometimes, they are also the “all-natural” parents. It is a challenging situation and requires patience and flexibility. I recommend finding a middle ground. Don’t ever compromise when you believe that the child is in danger. But if they are reluctant to give four vaccines on the same day, maybe you can reschedule some for the next visit. If they don’t want to administer inhaled steroids every day, perhaps they will agree to every other day. Be flexible, and maybe one day, they will come around. Don’t give up.
In my short experience as a pediatrician, nothing is more rewarding than having the parents on your side. If you are a pediatrician who truly loves children, I encourage you to open your loving arms to the parents since children and parents are a unit. True love involves patience, forgiveness, and, most importantly, accepting the other without trying to change them.
Dedicated to Dr. Gold